Vivian: Tell me one person who it’s worked out for.
Kit: What, you want me to name someone? You want like a name? Oh, God, the pressure of a name… I got it. Cindafuckin’rella
Vivian: So, what’s your name?
Edward Lewis: Edward.
Vivian: Really? That’s my favorite name in the whole world.
[At the beginning of the evening]
Vivian: In case I forget to tell you later, I had a really good time tonight.
[after negotiating three thousand dollars]
Vivian: I would have stayed for two thousand.
Edward Lewis: I would have paid four.
Edward Lewis: You and I are such similar creatures Vivian. We both screw people for money.
Vivian: I got red, I got green, I got yellow… I’m out of purple, but I do have one Gold Circle coin left… the condom of champions… the one and only… nothin’ is gettin’ through this sucker. Whaddya say, hmm?
[Kit is streetwalking]
Kit: Hey yo, baby!
Guy in car: How ’bout a freebie? It’s my birthday.
Kit: Dream on!
Kit: You should go for him. You look hot tonight. Don’t take less than $100. Call me when you’re through. Take care of you.
Vivian: Take care of you.
[Vivian calls Kit]
Vivian: I called and called, where were you last night?
Vivian: That would make you a… lawyer.
Edward Lewis: What makes you think I’m a lawyer?
Vivian: You have that sharp, useless look about you.
Edward Lewis: I think we both know she’s not my niece.
Barney: Of course.
Edward Lewis: And the reason I know that is that I’m an only child.
Vivian: I appreciate this whole seduction thing you’ve got going on here, but let me give you a tip: I’m a sure thing.
Lady at polo match: Edward is our most eligible bachelor, everyone is trying to land him.
Vivian: Oh, I’m not trying to land him, I’m just using him for sex.
Kit: Oh no, come on, you don’t know that. Hey he asked you right? Maybe you guys could, like, um you know get a house together and, like, buy some diamonds and a horse. I don’t know.
Edward Lewis: How much for the entire night?
Vivian: Stay here? You couldn’t afford it.
Edward Lewis: Try me.
Vivian: 300 dollars.
Edward Lewis: Done! Thank you. Now we can relax.
Kit: Fifty bucks, Grandpa. For seventy-five, the wife can watch.
Vivian: You know, you could pay me now, and break the ice.
Vivian: Can I call you Eddie?
Edward Lewis: Not if you expect me to answer.
Edward Lewis: I told you not to pick up the phone.
Vivian: Then stop calling me.
Mr. Hollister: Just how obscene an amount of cash are we talking about here? Profane or really offensive?
Edward Lewis: Really offensive.
Mr. Hollister: I like him so much.
[after meeting Vivian]
Elizabeth Stuckey: She’s wonderful! Where ever did you find her?
Edward Lewis: 976-BABE.
Vivian: I’m gonna treat you so nice, you’re never gonna let me go.
Vivian: You’re late.
Edward Lewis: You’re stunning.
Vivian: You’re forgiven.
Old Lady at Opera: Did you like the opera, dear?
Vivian: It was so good, I almost peed my pants!
Edward Lewis: She said she liked it better than Pirates of Penzance.
Edward Lewis: So what happens after he climbs up and rescues her?
Vivian: She rescues him right back.
Vivian: People put you down enough, you start to believe it.
Edward Lewis: I think you are a very bright, very special woman.
Vivian: The bad stuff is easier to believe. You ever notice that?
Edward Lewis: You can’t charge me for directions!
Vivian: I can do anything I want to baby, I ain’t lost.
Edward Lewis: A buffet of safety?
Vivian: I’m a safety girl.
[Edward stands up]
Vivian: All right, let’s get one of these on ya.
Edward Lewis: I never treated you like a prostitute.
Vivian: You just did.
Philip Stuckey: He mortgaged everything he owns, right down to his underwear, to secure a loan from the bank.
Edward Lewis: What’s your name?
Vivian: What do you want it to be?
Edward Lewis: You make $100 an hour and you have a safety pin holding your boot up?
Edward Lewis: Oh, Phil! About your car.
Philip Stuckey: Oh, God! What?
Edward Lewis: It corners like it’s on rails.
Shop assistant: Hello, can I help you?
Vivian: I was in here yesterday, you wouldn’t wait on me.
Shop assistant: Oh.
Vivian: You people work on commission, right?
Shop assistant: Yeah.
Vivian: Big mistake. Big. Huge. I have to go shopping now.
Vivian: [Vivian slips an escargot while having dinner with Edward and Mr. Morse] Oops… slippery little suckers.
Vivian: Are you sure you want me to stay the night? I mean, I could just pop ya real good and get outta here.
Edward Lewis: No, I’d really like you to stay. I don’t want to be alone tonight.
Vivian: Is it your birthday?
Edward Lewis: No, no. Not my birthday.
Vivian: Oh. ‘Cause you know, I’ve been the surprise at a lot of birthday parties.
Edward Lewis: I’ll bet you have.
Magician at party: No matter what they say, it’s all about money. So let’s imagine, ladies, that you’re a savings and loan officer. Watch – one, two, three; see, you’ve got it all, and we’ve got nothing. You’ve got all four, take a look.
Happy Man: Welcome to Hollywood! What’s your dream? Everybody comes here; this is Hollywood, land of dreams. Some dreams come true, some don’t; but keep on dreamin’ – this is Hollywood. Always time to dream, so keep on dreamin’.
Vivian: I want the fairy tale.
Vivian: Well, color me happy! There’s a sofa in here for two!
Vivian: Let’s watch old movies all night… we’ll just veg out in front of the TV.
Edward Lewis: Veg out?
Vivian: Yeah. Be still like vegetables. Lay like broccoli.
Edward Lewis: Look, I’ll tell ya what. I’ll be back. We’ll do broccoli tomorrow.
Edward Lewis: Impossible relationships. My special gift is impossible relationships.
Vivian: Bridge? He’s not really my uncle.
Bridget: They never are dear.
Vivian: [sitting with Edward leaning against her in the bathtub] Did I mention, my leg is 44″ from hip to toe. So basically we are talking about 88″ of therapy, wrapped around you for the bargain price of $3000 dollars.
Edward Lewis: 6 nights at $300 is $1800
Vivian: You want days too.
Edward Lewis: $2000
Edward Lewis: Done.
Vivian: What would it be like?
Edward Lewis: It would get you off of the street.
Vivian: That’s just geography.
Vivian: When I was a little girl, my mama used to lock me in the attic when I was bad, which was pretty often. And I would- I would pretend I was a princess… trapped in a tower by a wicked queen. And then suddenly this knight… on a white horse with these colors flying would come charging up and draw his sword. And I would wave. And he would climb up the tower and rescue me. But never in all the time… that I had this dream did the knight say to me, “Come on, baby, I’ll put you up in a great condo.”
Vivian: I say who, I say when, I say…
Vivian: I think you have a lot of special gifts.
Vivian: [after Edward catches her singing along to Kiss] Don’t you just love Prince?
Edward Lewis: More than life itself.
Vivian: what’s going on
Edward Lewis: I don’t know, you left and suddenly I’m in the middle of The West Side Story
Edward Lewis: It’s just that, uh, very few people surprise me.
Vivian: Yeah, well, you’re lucky. Most of ’em shock the hell outta me.
Edward Lewis: [Edward and Vivian are bargaining about Vivian’s “Salary” at the end of the week] $2,000
Edward Lewis: Done
Vivian: Holy shit!
James Morse: Mr. Lewis and I are going to build ships together, great big ships.
Edward Lewis: People’s reactions to opera the first time they see it is very dramatic; they either love it or they hate it. If they love it, they will always love it. If they don’t, they may learn to appreciate it, but it will never become part of their soul.
Vivian: Oh honey you know what’s happened I got a runner in my pantyhose, I’m not wearing pantyhose.
Barney: It must be difficult to let go of something so beautiful.