Category Archives: sports

Chris Kluwe explains Gay Marriage

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I saw this story yesterday on DeadSpin and was delighted with the very intelligent and very humorous response Chris Kluwe wrote. Here is the story there – http://deadspin.com/5941348/they-wont-magically-turn-you-into-a-lustful-cockmonster-chris-kluwe-explains-gay-marriage-to-the-politician-who-is-offended-by-an-nfl-player-supporting-it

“Baltimore Ravens linebacker Brendon Ayanbadejo has spoken out in favor of a Maryland ballot initiative that would legalize gay marriage. Yahoo has published a letter that Maryland state delegate Emmett C. Burns Jr. wrote last week to Ravens owner Steve Bisciotti, urging him to “inhibit such expressions from your employee.” This is Minnesota Vikings punter Chris Kluwe’s response to Burns.

Dear Emmett C. Burns Jr.,

I find it inconceivable that you are an elected official of Maryland’s state government. Your vitriolic hatred and bigotry make me ashamed and disgusted to think that you are in any way responsible for shaping policy at any level. The views you espouse neglect to consider several fundamental key points, which I will outline in great detail (you may want to hire an intern to help you with the longer words):

1. As I suspect you have not read the Constitution, I would like to remind you that the very first, the VERY FIRST Amendment in this founding document deals with the freedom of speech, particularly the abridgment of said freedom. By using your position as an elected official (when referring to your constituents so as to implicitly threaten the Ravens organization) to state that the Ravens should “inhibit such expressions from your employees,” more specifically Brendon Ayanbadejo, not only are you clearly violating the First Amendment, you also come across as a narcissistic fromunda stain. What on earth would possess you to be so mind-boggingly stupid? It baffles me that a man such as yourself, a man who relies on that same First Amendment to pursue your own religious studies without fear of persecution from the state, could somehow justify stifling another person’s right to speech. To call that hypocritical would be to do a disservice to the word. Mindfucking obscenely hypocritical starts to approach it a little bit.

2. “Many of your fans are opposed to such a view and feel it has no place in a sport that is strictly for pride, entertainment, and excitement.” Holy fucking shitballs. Did you seriously just say that, as someone who’s “deeply involved in government task forces on the legacy of slavery in Maryland”? Have you not heard of Kenny Washington? Jackie Robinson? As recently as 1962 the NFL still had segregation, which was only done away with by brave athletes and coaches daring to speak their mind and do the right thing, and you’re going to say that political views have “no place in a sport”? I can’t even begin to fathom the cognitive dissonance that must be coursing through your rapidly addled mind right now; the mental gymnastics your brain has to tortuously contort itself through to make such a preposterous statement are surely worthy of an Olympic gold medal (the Russian judge gives you a 10 for “beautiful oppressionism”).

3. This is more a personal quibble of mine, but why do you hate freedom? Why do you hate the fact that other people want a chance to live their lives and be happy, even though they may believe in something different than you, or act different than you? How does gay marriage, in any way shape or form, affect your life? If gay marriage becomes legal, are you worried that all of a sudden you’ll start thinking about penis? “Oh shit. Gay marriage just passed. Gotta get me some of that hot dong action!” Will all of your friends suddenly turn gay and refuse to come to your Sunday Ticket grill-outs? (Unlikely, since gay people enjoy watching football too.)

I can assure you that gay people getting married will have zero effect on your life. They won’t come into your house and steal your children. They won’t magically turn you into a lustful cockmonster. They won’t even overthrow the government in an orgy of hedonistic debauchery because all of a sudden they have the same legal rights as the other 90 percent of our population—rights like Social Security benefits, child care tax credits, Family and Medical Leave to take care of loved ones, and COBRA healthcare for spouses and children. You know what having these rights will make gays? Full-fledged American citizens just like everyone else, with the freedom to pursue happiness and all that entails. Do the civil-rights struggles of the past 200 years mean absolutely nothing to you?

In closing, I would like to say that I hope this letter, in some small way, causes you to reflect upon the magnitude of the colossal foot in mouth clusterfuck you so brazenly unleashed on a man whose only crime was speaking out for something he believed in. Best of luck in the next election; I’m fairly certain you might need it.

Sincerely, Chris Kluwe

P.S. I’ve also been vocal as hell about the issue of gay marriage so you can take your “I know of no other NFL player who has done what Mr. Ayanbadejo is doing” and shove it in your close-minded, totally lacking in empathy piehole and choke on it. Asshole.

Chris Kluwe is a punter for the Vikings. Follow him on Twitter, @ChrisWarcraft.”

I do have to say that I’m kinda disappointed that no married gays will be stealing my children.

Spice Girls at the Closing Ceremony

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I’m not a big Olympics fan. I never watch any of the coverage, winter or summer. However, having lived in London for a year, I wanted to watch the opening and closing ceremonies. So glad I did – I greatly enjoyed The Queen and her “Good evening, Mr. Bond.” moment. And last night, well, the Spice Girls rocked the house. Yeah, yeah, I know I know but I love them. They’ve all come so far – they’ve had solo careers, babies etc. Anyway. Just wanted you to be able to Spice Up Your Life.

Updated – I had an English video up and that got pulled so I found a French one but that one got pulled as well. Finally found the video on NBC –

http://www.nbcolympics.com/video/2012/closing-ceremony-spice-girls-reunion.html

The IOC needs to get with the worldwide program and make everything accessible to everyone.

Updated 8/10/15 – with the news that the Girls are planning a reunion tour, I found a BBC video – much better to see them with commentary from people of the homeland.

The Olympics, The Queen and James Bond

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I follow Maureen Johnson on Twitter. She lives in England part of the year and tweeted a link yesterday that allowed us to see the Olympic Opening Ceremonies live online. I usually don’t watch these or any of the games for that matter but as they were London based, I was curious. The production was so over the top that I really couldn’t watch it straight through so would toggle between different windows.

I came back to it at one point and there were Corgies on screen. “Corgies? That can only mean The Queen.” Then Daniel Craig appeared in the shot. Oh Em Gee. Best part of the show!!

“Good evening, Mr. Bond.”

The Mark McGwire / Bob Costas interview

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Bob: Would you have had so many over 50 homerun seasons if you hadn’t taken steroids?

Mark: Yes, I would have. The man upstairs gave me this gift to hit baseballs.

(Me, on the couch: Dude, you’re an idiot, you say “You know,  I really am not sure, but I would like to think so.”)

Did he have no one prep him for this interview? I’m married to a journalist who has loads of journalist friends and friends who have worked in media relations, public relations and crisis management. Any newbie in any of those fields could have given him better answers to give. I’m not saying lie, I’m saying think about what you say before you say it. Honestly.

Make sad faces all you want. Yes, you can hit a ball, probably better than alot of ballplayers ever but steroids gave you extra power. Extra power = a harder hit and a harder hit = balls flying farther.